As the mother of an amazing child on the autism spectrum, I learned about the intricacies of social-emotional learning. I also learned how important it is to teach children about inclusion, compassion and understanding. Unfortunately, in my research on schools in San Diego County, I learned that the principles of social-emotional learning are not taught everywhere, as teachers are forced to focus on the Common Core Standards.
Here’s the good news: Parents can easily teach social-emotional learning at home. I spoke with Bridget Laird, CEO of Wings For Kids, a non-profit organization that works to improve SEL through after-school programs, teacher training, and curriculum development for low-income schools across the country.
Laird explains that social-emotional learning “includes all the ways in which a child develops as a whole.”
“This includes managing emotions, empathizing with others, setting and achieving goals, and exploring relationships,” Laird said. “One of the ways I like to describe it for parents or those who are not familiar with it is this: school is a place where children go to develop their mental abilities, and SEL is the development of their “heart minds” .
Laird, who has a master’s degree in education, said the pandemic has proven that social-emotional learning is more important than ever.
“Children are experiencing a wide range of emotions as school returns to in-person activities or even the loss of a family due to COVID-19,” Laird said. “Children learn to support each other, which is important given the different circumstances in which they return to the classroom. After all, distance learning means that many kids may have forgotten what it’s like to work with others or even listen to others. Their relationship skills will require fine tuning, and SEL can help.”
How can you instill social-emotional learning in your parents?
Laird said “the key is to help them identify their own emotions.”
Here are some examples provided by Laird:
“When I had to take my daughter for a flu shot, I could tell she was nervous. She could also hear another child who came in in front of her and was crying because of the gunshot. While we were in the waiting room, I told her how she felt. She let me know that she was nervous, and because of this, her stomach was “shaking”. I told her to take a deep breath and close her eyes when she felt it. It was about acknowledging what she was feeling and giving her tools—even small ones like these—to use once she connected her body’s reaction to her feelings of nervousness or anxiety. In other situations, some parents may choose to pretend to be vaccinated before telling them “it doesn’t hurt” or simply telling their child to “be brave”. But I prefer a different tactic that helps her prepare and deal with her feelings.
As for my son, he often lost control of his math homework. He fought with fractions and was always angry. I had to sit him down to first help him identify his emotions and understand why he was upset. “I’m crazy,” he shouted, and I tried to dig deeper, asking him why and what made him feel this way. In the end, we were able to come up with a homework plan and methods of calming down when he faced difficult fractional exercises.
Another time when I was working as a consultant for Wings For Kids, I announced my engagement, and one of the fifth graders seemed to be very repulsed by this. “Oh man,” he pouted, “now [that you’re married] you will be all sad and come to school all bruised.” At first I laughed at this, thinking it was a joke, but then I decided to pay more attention to him and his mother whenever she came to pick him up. After a while, I sat him down and talked to him about how I was actually very excited and looking forward to the wedding. It turns out that what he saw in a relationship with his own mother was offensive. Therefore, in his mind, marriage meant sadness and pain. So I focused on sharing my engagement happiness. It wasn’t about belittling her mother or minimizing her feelings. Instead, I tried to highlight the positivity of the relationship and help him understand the power it can have.”
Laird said that social-emotional learning is versatile and can be taught in a wide variety of situations, including school environments.
“SEL is also good for maintaining healthy relationships,” she said. “A closer look at the many adult interactions reveals many broken relationships that could have been different had there been a more deliberate introduction to SEL at a younger age. Indeed, SEL is not just for kids, and the skills they learn can apply well beyond K-12 into adulthood when they start working.”
For more information about social-emotional learning or Wings for Kids, visit wingforkids.org.
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