TInder is 10 years old. People are not happier, but tech companies are richer. But then, maybe not everyone goes to these sites in search of romantic happiness. They might just want to pass the time, boost their confidence, or see who’s there.
I’m celibate and don’t date. In April, I joined Hinge and Bumble for a month because I wanted to know two things. Am I disgusting? And do I like my type (athletic, good boys who are younger than me)? Every 27-year-old within a 20-mile radius got in touch, as did a significant minority of real teenagers.
I met one person for a drink. He was a cold-blooded, intelligent, woke guy working for a charity. He came back from the unisex toilet with a big smile and said, “Hooray! They have free tampons and sanitary pads!” After drinking two glasses of wine, he wanted to discuss the hypothesis of widespread sexual abuse, asking gently: “What would you say if you had, for example, a 16-year-old boyfriend? [accused of rape]who really didn’t understand consent?”
It was a waste of time. There are eight billion people on the planet. What should we do, interview each other one by one? Dating apps cleverly use people’s longing, their receptivity to romantic fantasies, as a balm for their existential dissatisfaction. I think that longing is a constant and normal feature of human nature. It is not connected to reality, cannot saturate and adds spice to everyday life. We must live with this.
What about Mr. Rape Debate? In the end, like a true male feminist, instead of splitting the bill, he leaned back in his chair and let me pay for the treat.
Let’s call it a party, Sanna?
It’s outrageous that instead of enjoying the aftertaste of a perfectly normal mini-break, Finnish Prime Minister Sanna Marin had to pass a drug test and go on a world tour with an apology to the media. Her sin? She went to the beach and the sauna, and then wandered around the house by the sea.
Does Marina have to appease the cheap political attacks of cynical opportunists over trifles? What is it, The Handmaid’s Tale fanfiction? A medieval warning for any woman who doesn’t act like a penitent nun?
I came of age in the 90s. I know what parties are, and Marin didn’t do it. The party includes taking the pipe home two days late, in a wet silk dress, hungry, reeking of Moet, sweat and stale Shalimar, with a bunch of plastic cocktail twizzlers in a clutch, with glitter on her face and extreme dehydration, followed by a 20-hour sleep and three days of cystitis. And no frames to perpetuate the memory of this event.
true crime Megan
A woman cannot win, whether you are a political leader or a royal wife. The Duchess of Sussex’s recent podcast revealed how she was “accused” of being ambitious when it was revealed she was dating Prince Harry.
Given that she was already self-made and her ambitions were no secret, the timing of the insult speaks for itself. I think it was based on class and race, using the stereotype of the sassy, greedy woman of color, social career who thinks she deserves a higher status than what the world has set aside for her; a woman who marries her social position using her charms instead of working, crying, grafting, sweating and fighting every inch of the way.
But, as Megan and Marin know, whether you’re married or trying to get some rest, if you’re a woman trying to live your life, the world will find a way to make you pay.
Bidisha Mamata is a TV presenter, critic and journalist for the BBC, Channel 4 and Sky News.
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