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When we talk about the effects of trauma and the possible consequences of abuse, we may gravitate toward symptoms and patterns such as depression, anxiety, toxic adult relationships, or narcissistic adjustment. We may be less aware of how our emotions are affected by trauma or the impact of emotional dysregulation on our relationships, including the relationships we have with ourselves.
Emotional dysregulation is the inability to control the intensity or duration of emotional responses, especially vulnerable emotions, which may include anger, jealousy, fear, or even love. Many who struggle with emotional dysregulation have a history of emotional disability in childhood, which may or may not include other forms of abuse. Existing research links higher incidences of emotional neglect, physical abuse, and emotional dysregulation as predictors of borderline personality disorder (BPD) and complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD).
While there is no single cause of emotional dysregulation, psychological trauma is often a key factor. Other factors include the environment in which the child grows up. If caregivers are emotionally disturbed, they may not be able to teach their children how to manage and regulate emotions because they have difficulty managing their own.
Emotional dysregulation can manifest itself differently in different people. Some may get very angry, lash out, or verbally abuse. Some may close, “freeze” and become silent. Others may engage in impulsive or compulsive behaviors such as overeating, fasting, or compulsive exercise to numb themselves emotionally and as a way to momentarily avoid vulnerable feelings. Many times when a person experiences emotional dysregulation, they have difficulty labeling and identifying their emotions and may feel confused or deeply ashamed.
One of the most serious ways that emotional dysregulation can harm a person is the impact it can have on their intimate relationships. If a person cannot control their anger or is out of touch with their own feelings (such as avoidance, escapism, or “stupefying” behavior), they may say or do things that put others off, which could affect the stability of their relationship. .
Symptoms of emotional dysregulation may include:
- Difficulties in interpersonal relationships
- Heightened perfectionism (overcompensating for feelings of inferiority or vulnerability)
- Impulsive or compulsive behavior
- Poor conflict resolution skills
- Sexual promiscuity or risky sexual behavior
- Increased risk of drug or alcohol abuse and addiction
- Self-sabotaging behavior
- Increased risk of other compulsive activities such as video games, shopping, sex/porn, exercise, or eating disorders.
- Toxic positivity is used to avoid more vulnerable emotions such as anger or sadness.
Treatment options
Treatment options to help increase a person’s ability to recognize, label, and manage their emotions include working with a therapist who specializes in combining strategies such as mindfulness, meditation, developing mind/body/emotion skills such as somatic experiences, helping improving communication skills, maintaining healthy boundaries, such as promoting personal space when a person is emotionally aggravated, and creating behavioral goals that help track stress tolerance.
To find a therapist near you, visit the Psychology Today Therapy directory.